Monday, March 7, 2011

Mommy's Birthday


Today would have been my mom's 57th birthday. It marks the 5th birthday she's not here to celebrate--which is hard to believe.

On her 52nd Birthday she had to work the night shift. We shared an apartment; so I decorated the place in yellow streams, a 'Happy Birthday' sign, and I made her a confetti cake. Since she would be getting in so late, I left a note asking her to wake me up when she got home.

I'll never forget how excited she was to have someone celebrate her. I saw her tear up a little, and I knew it made it her so happy that I tried to leave the streamers up for a long time after. But my mom was a big about decluttering, so she had me take them down after a week.

Looking back I'm glad I had grown to be a little less selfish at that point, enough to be able to celebrate the woman who gave me birth. I was only (newly) 21 and got caught up in my own world pretty often, but God gave me the inspiration to do something special that year.

A couple of weeks later, I went to Los Angeles for the first time. It was my Spring Break trip that I saved up for. My mom was so proud of me for traveling and seeing the world that she bragged about me to (what felt like) everyone she met. I was her daughter that traveled to visit friends, and I paid for the whole trip myself!

I brought her back a key chain and seashells. Both of which I now have in my possession. My mom was able to carry that key chain (a Hollywood Walk of Fame Star with 'Pat' on it) for a month. Then, at the end of April we had to say goodbye.

I think about that last month of her life often. I remember all of the kid feelings of being embarrassed by my parent, I remember all the times we giggled, the times we fought, and I remember, especially in that last month, how supportive she was of my decisions in life.

Now, 5 years later, I'm married, I'm moving to LA, I have seen so much more of the world than she ever dreamed of, and I am happy. I am really, really happy.

It hurts so much at times that she hasn't been here for any of that, but all of her support and encouragement is still with me today. I am very much the person and the dreamer that I am because... she told me I could be that person.

I often think on how losing my mom so young has shaped me as a person. I ask questions like 'would I still have met and married Jayson if it had not happened?'. But the key I need to remember is to not dwell on how her death has affected me, but how her life influenced mine.

So happy birthday, Mommy; and thank you. Not just for giving me life, but for shaping who I am in every sense.

-s

2 comments:

  1. I remember this day five years ago and thank God for how not only your mom's life has influenced you but how His life has impacted you. Thank you for sharing this post with us. Lovingly, ally

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  2. I was just thinking a little along these lines. I didn't get to spend her last birthday with her, but she sure did a lot of bragging about me. I wonder if I really deserved it all and I wish I had done a little more about her while she was still here to hear it.
    I love you Sarah and I am very proud of the person you are!

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